Coming Out, Feminism, and Gender-bending

So, on Thursday night, I came out to the people that are in group with me. I didn't even mention the words "gay" or "lesbian". I just said that I felt closeted and explained my circumstances: that I was in love with my best friend who has a boyfriend. And all I got was support. It was scary and I was shaking, but nothing changed afterwards. Just me, and my view of people and life. Maybe the world isn't this awful, homophobic place after all... Well, okay, it isn't the world that's bothering me; it's my world that's the issue. I told my sister today that I wanted to join a feminist club once I'm in college and she said, "Don't be like that!" When I told her I already was a feminist, she scoffed. Her reaction made me feel stifled. She once told me that she didn't think we had anything in common and we never talked. Maybe that's because I feel like I have to hide myself from even her. Maybe I don't want to talk about guys and smoking weed like she does(I don't actually know about that second part... so that really isn't fair of me to say...) But still! She always gets on me about my appearance too, which bums me out. I just want to be me. There shouldn't be a problem with me wanting to wear men's cologne. I shouldn't be warned against cutting my hair short. What, is she worried that I'll look like a dyke? Well, maybe I want to play the part! Maybe that's who I am! I also really want to wear men's underwear. I see no problem with this. I'm just experimenting, trying to figure out what works for me. If I wear briefs or panties, who gives a shit! I'm just feeling angsty today. Pardon the extra bitchiness. I just feel so absolutely restricted to this little box that has been placed around me since the day I was found out to have female genitalia. It's not like I want to be a man, I'm not trans and I feel comfortable in my female body. I just want to have the chance to wear men's clothes, to cross-dress, should I so choose to. The end.

Lesbian Porn

Or should I say girl-on-girl porn? It was basically designed for men, by men. I'm not a crazy man-hating-dyke or anything like that, but seriously? The stuff that I'm watching now, the only thing honestly turning me on is the moaning, and even that is faked. It just turns me off watching women that are so obviously fucked by men on a regular basis. The eating out? Awkward. The kissing. More awkward. They were flicking tongues at each other. I just think that there should be porn out there made for women who like women. Not guys who get turned on by that. Watching this versus watching Brokeback Mountain makes me realize that some people are meant to act, and some are meant to entertain and create boners. Guess which one Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger are assigned to?