This might be like tmi or whatever...

But I think that I might only be capable of sustaining one orgasm at a time. It's like, I get there once, pass through the brink shuddering and screaming, but then when I try to achieve bliss again, I can't get all the way there. Women are supposed to be able to have multiple orgasms, so I've been "testing" out this idea a lot, and it doesn't seem to be working. As it is, it takes me forever with my hand to come. It is like I just can't get turned on enough. My mind wanders and then I'm basically just chilling with my hand down my pant, trying to find something that feels good. I don't know... Maybe I'm just impatient? My finger always cramps my hand up and I lose the vibe when I stop.

Fear of the Absolutely Unknown(At least until tomorrow)

I'm going to be heading off to college in the fall, my first year away from home(even though home is honestly less than 15 minutes away, depending on traffic). Lately, I've been really freaking out, mainly because of my future roommate sitch. I opted to get a roommate randomly chosen, and therefore have NO IDEA who the hell I'm going to be living with for the next year. That's a scary thought in itself. Couple that with the fact that I am naturally pretty neurotic and you get a series of circumstances that play out in my head at night where my roommate hates me and is completely opposite of me: girly, super into guys, likes rap and is really vapid. I know that I don't have to be best friends with my roommate, but I want to forge some kind of connection at least! I mean, we are going to be LIVING TOGETHER! My second fear: what the hell do I do if my roommate is homophobic? Like blatantly so? Do I confront them? Do I hide forever in my rainbow-colored closet? I wanted college to be the first time when I actually felt comfortable being me, being gay. I've never had that before, ever, except maybe at Rainbow Creek(see the My Story page). It's always been a struggle for me, and I'm still hopelessly closeted and it's really fucking stifling in there, with all my girl-on-girl fantasies and autostraddle articles. I need to open it up and let in some fresh air. But at the same time, I'm like, shit! People are going to know that I'm gay. I'm going to be that one gay girl with the blue hair and butch outlook. Do I want that? Part of me doesn't even want to check out the LGBTQQ association, for fear that I'll automatically be labeled as "that gay girl with the blue hair." This seems like a legitimate fear. I want to fit in, obviously, but I also want a chance to be myself. Is it really possible to have your cake and eat it too?